Sometimes I just have to get stuff done despite my EDS
A columnist explains why she often pushes through pain
As I stood up for what felt like the 50th time that day, my knees, back, and hips protested loudly. When I moved into my house awhile back, I put down waterproof plank flooring over the hardwood that was there. The original was nice, but it needed to be refinished or covered, and with senior dogs and a cat who doesn’t always like the litter box, covering it made much more sense. With my dad’s help, we’d gotten all of it done except the living room, which was the lowest priority for me.
I fully expect that older dogs may have trouble holding it all day while I’m at work, so there’s always a potty mat on the linoleum floor near the laundry room just in case. It can take new dogs a little time to figure out the system, and my newest dog, Tinkerbell, had a few accidents on the yet-to-be-covered hardwood in the living room. With the finish virtually gone, I knew the floor would get ruined quickly if I didn’t do something.
Suddenly, putting down plank flooring jumped to the top of my to-do list. My dad and I had done the other floors before I moved in, meaning we could stop whenever we needed to, even midway through a room. This time, however, we had to get the whole thing done in one go. There was no way I could leave such a highly trafficked room half-finished.
That meant an entire day of measuring, cleaning, cutting, and laying down the planks. Granted, this work is tough for anybody, not just someone like me with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), but having EDS sure magnifies it. Constantly getting up and down, crawling on my knees, and using a hammer to position the planks and press the seals into place started to take its toll almost as soon as I started.
Kneeling is enough to leave bruises on my knees. I know this, yet did I remember to use some knee pads or a kneeler while I crawled all over the floor? Of course not. Instead, after about a minute of kneeling, I remembered that doing so is a bad idea. But since I’d already have a quarter-sized bruise on each knee, I stupidly decided that if the damage was already done, why waste time trying to find something to protect my knees when I was already short on time?
Similarly, I kept pushing through despite the fact that my back hurt. I knew I’d be incredibly sore by the time I finished. But sometimes, what’s the choice? The job had to be done, and I wasn’t going to sit by while someone else did the work. Instead, I was grateful that I had one of my semimonthly massages scheduled the next day, and my therapist could work on whatever soreness I caused myself.
Part of the reason I often keep pushing through, despite discomfort, is that it doesn’t always matter how long I’ve been doing something. For example, once I bruised my knees, no longer kneeling wouldn’t have helped. The same goes for my back: Once it began to hurt, I wouldn’t have felt better if I stopped what I was doing because I’d already set off the muscles in question. So most of the time I just plow forward and ignore the pain.
To be clear, I’m not advocating for others to emulate this approach. I fully admit that, in many ways, it’s probably stupid. Personally, I try to find a balance between how much better I’ll feel physically if I stop (which usually isn’t much) and how frustrated I’ll feel if I can’t finish what I’m doing (which is typically significant). The trade-off isn’t great, but it is what it is. I don’t always make the best call, but at least in this case, I can check the flooring project off my list!
Note: Ehlers-Danlos News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Ehlers-Danlos News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Ehlers-Danlos.
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Cynthia Willner
Amen to this article! And there're days I feel great get in the garden even geared up with all of the braces and know I'll hurt like crazy the next day. But at least I'll know why and I got done what needed to get done. You live with this disease and do what you need to do and once you get started if you forget the braces, who has time to stop as well as if you do your body may realize what you did and it won't let you get back to the job, so push on.
Jamie
Whether I’m an hour in the yard or six hours in the yard, the pain is the same so I might as well get stuff done.
Karen Del Vecchio
That's how I feel too, Jamie. It may not always be the most sane approach, but it's the one I use most often. Glad to hear I'm not he only one!
Karen S.
I felt like I might have written your recent column! You sound so much like me when you talk of why you "push or plow through" the chores on your to do list. You're right, there's often no choice - it has to get done. I am a builders wife, so when facing our many projects, I think to myself "I already hurt, so not doing the project or chore most likely won't change that. At least that's my mentality. Maybe it's my way of pretending I'm still my old self? Or, that I'm not perpetually feeling like I have to ask for or get help? Maybe even that I'm just grateful that I even feel like doing it, as sadly there are many times when doing most anything is just not possible. Not sure - but I enjoyed hearing that I am not alone in the way I tackle things. Right or wrong, it's how I process most of the challenges while navigating my endless health journey. Thank you for being a consistent presence with your column contributions that making facing the continual challenges manageable.
Karen Del Vecchio
Thanks for sharing, Karen! Likewise, I feel like I could've written your comment. Those of with EDS all have different experiences, but they sure do overlap a lot too!
Macey Christian
Thanks for sharing your experience. It makes me feel less alone
Karen Del Vecchio
Thank you for taking the time to comment, Macey. Your response is exactly why I write this column - and hearing from others with similar experiences also makes me feel the same!
Samantha
Hi like a lot of people giving up your freedom of doing anything for yourself is hard. I have a wonderful husband that helps me do things that I can't do. We both noticed that we were starting to argue a little bit more a someone said don't you have a caregiver that comes over to help you out. My husband said we don't need one I can take care of her and my friend said I know you can. But who's going to take care of your guys relationship. She told us to get ahold of aging and people with disabilities and ask for a in home caregiver. They will come out and see how much help you need and be true full with them, then they will see if you qualify and for how many hours a week. At first it took some time getting used to having someone else in the house helping me but after we got used to it we can't imagine not having the help she gives me. I have my caregiver 3 x a week for around 4+ hours on those days. Everyone is different when the worker comes out to see if you need a caregiver. I didn't know about this and no one told me about it as I have been in bed for almost 8 years and my doctor and medical and food programs also knew and still didn't let me know. So I'm telling you about it so you can get some extra help or if you know anyone else that might want or need help you can share the info also.
Karen Del Vecchio
Thanks for sharing, Samantha! Sometimes it's hard to ask for help but there are times when it's also the best thing to do.