Stubborn Me shouldn’t always win my inner deliberations

I’ve written about how stubborn I am, and how I don’t let my Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) keep me from doing what I want. I don’t take no for an answer and tend to power through the situation, regardless of its impact on me. It’s a strategy I don’t recommend.

Recently, a staff member was sick at the horse farm where I’m the assistant barn manager. Since the owner was out of town and no one else on the staff could fill in, it was left to me to care for all the horses.

Animals need care regardless of their humans’ personal situations, and I’m used to farm chores. But this farm, where I help manage things and keep the horse I ride, is much larger than the one where I live. I worked at his larger farm full time years ago, while I was in graduate school, and have continued part time since. While I handled the full workload for years, the toll on my body was tough, so in the past several years I’ve moved away from the full-care shifts.

These shifts involve cleaning the horses’ stalls, feeding them hay and grain, checking their water troughs, and putting their jackets on (we call them blankets) if the weather requires it. That involves a lot of walking, some lifting, and plenty of nonstop movement for a few hours. I don’t mind the work — many horse people will tell you that cleaning stalls is when they do their best thinking! — but it’s a lot on my body.

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I don’t know why, but sweeping always causes pain in my damaged shoulder, and we always sweep the aisle of the barn after we finish the stalls so it all stays tidy. Cleaning stalls doesn’t seem to bother my body, but lifting the results into the back of the cart to haul them away to dump? That bothers me. The rest of the shift — walking horses in and out of the stalls, changing their blankets, and feeding them — are all OK for me, but those two chores cause me a lot of problems.

Since I had to jump in to the work at the last minute, a friend who was scheduled to work the shift after me said I could leave my hardest tasks for her to do the next morning. They wouldn’t affect the horses’ care, but still I was torn.

Stubborn Me said to power through and do them anyway, because technically I could do them; it’d just make me sore. Logical Me said it’s OK to take up an offer from someone who wants to help me and is genuinely happy to do so. I went back and forth between doing what was better for my body versus doing what my stubbornness was demanding of me.

For once, I decided to take my friend up on her offer. I didn’t sweep the barn, and I left what needed to be taken to the muck pile in buckets next to the cleaned stalls.

I’m not going to lie;  it was hard for me not to complete all the shift’s tasks. But in the end, I was glad I didn’t. I reminded myself that it’s OK to let others help me. Sometimes I do have to power through even if it’ll make me sore, but there’s no reason to do it if it’s not necessary. It’s OK to accept help sometimes, especially when it’s genuinely offered. That’s not my strong suit, but I’m trying to remember that doing so doesn’t mean I’m letting my EDS win.

Note: Ehlers-Danlos News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Ehlers-Danlos News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Ehlers-Danlos.