Overcoming my fear of pain to get back on the horse — literally
After a lengthy recovery from an injury, a columnist returns to riding
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Recently, I got back on a horse for the first time in several months. It’s been six months since a bad fall resulted in a broken rib and healing complications courtesy of my Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS). While I did ride a horse a few times earlier in my recovery, it left me in a lot of pain. Even though my original injury had healed, my body was still very sensitive and would flare back up easily. Clearly, something still wasn’t right.
It wasn’t until I started seeing a physical therapist who specializes in a unique modality called fascial counterstrain (FCS) that I began to make more progress. It turned out that my body was stuck in fight-or-flight mode, which is part of the reason why it was so easy to set off an EDS pain flare. Since my body was already on hyperalert, it took only a small disruption for it to react. I’ve also learned that people who manage chronic pain — like those of us with EDS — can get caught in the fight-or-flight cycle more easily.
As I’ve often said, I’m not particularly patient, especially when it comes to my EDS. I don’t like it when it limits me, and I often respond by plowing forward even if I pay for it later. This time, however, doing so really set me back. My body couldn’t handle simply pushing through and riding anyway, and each time I tried, I only made things worse. I needed to get to the root of the problem, not just ignore it.
Now, after multiple FCS sessions, we may have figured it out.
Breaking the pattern
FCS seems to have broken me out of fight-or-flight mode and calmed my body down. Despite that progress, however, I’ve been hesitant to get back on a horse. Logically, I knew that breaking that cycle was probably what I needed to ride comfortably, but after finally feeling better, I was afraid to wind up in pain again.
Then, one day, my mom said to me, “Bring your riding clothes. You’re getting on Eyce after work today.” My mom also rides horses, and we keep ours at the same facility. I previously fell off my horse, Cherry, and while it wasn’t her fault, I’ve been hesitant to ride her. Eyce is my mom’s horse and a saint on four hooves — the safest horse I’ve ever sat on. Given my nerves, he was definitely the best choice as I attempt to regain some confidence in riding.
Horses are very sensitive to energy, and I knew that Eyce could feel my anxiety. One of the many qualities that make him such a great horse is that, while some might take advantage of that situation, Eyce responds by giving his rider what we call the “white-glove treatment.” Rather than being naughty, he’s even more saintly than usual. He walks slowly and carefully, is extra gentle, and doesn’t try any of his silly (albeit harmless) tricks. He did everything I asked of him calmly and with zero fuss.
After about 15 minutes of walking around, I was still feeling OK. I asked Eyce to trot; he picked up an easy pace, and we did a few laps around the arena. I could feel my muscles working, but I wouldn’t have expected otherwise, given my nearly six-month break. But I didn’t feel the deeper pain in my core and diaphragm that I’d experienced when I tried to ride previously, so that was a huge step forward. My anxiety started to ease.
Sometimes, with EDS, I have to push past the fear of hurting. Granted, there are times when stopping is beneficial for self-preservation, but irrational fear can also hold me back. In those moments, recognizing the logical path forward and pursuing it can lead to good outcomes — like riding again!
Note: Ehlers-Danlos News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Ehlers-Danlos News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Ehlers-Danlos.
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